Masculinity: Perspective of an Imperfect Alpha



Masculinity has received a bad rap in recent years. Google the term and phrases such as “toxic masculinity” and “false masculinity” will surface—along with other defamatory and emasculating statements.

Being a man has always had its challenges, but the modern man is up against a whole new set of obstacles. Often, we’re being judged merely because of our gender. This might seem like an exaggeration to some, but that’s only because they haven’t experienced the prejudice first-hand.

Do men deserve some of what is happening? We sure do. Most of us have made sexist remarks and behaved like adolescent-minded idiots in the past. There are countless (grown) men STILL behaving this way. Moreover, because of the onslaught of mass shootings and violent acts committed predominantly by men; we’re now being seen as unpredictable animals by a lot of women.

But here’s what I think …

Not all men are broken. For the most part, we’re just confused.

“We’ve been reminded to “be a man” or “stop being a p*ssy” every time we’ve shown emotion throughout our lives.”

We are embarrassed to admit that we aren’t always sure about our masculine roles and responsibilities. We’ve been brainwashed by egocentric action stars since we were just boys. We’ve also been reminded to “be a man” or “stop being a p*ssy” every time we’ve shown emotion throughout our lives, so we’ve gotten good at bottling things up. While it’s not an excuse, I know this is a huge factor in much of the violence that men are committing.

Some of the most influential men in the world are male-chauvinistic slime balls—often gaining popularity by being sexist and aggressive.

The truth is, real masculinity is earned. It’s an area in which few men are successful at mastering. And believe me; I’m not trying to say I’ve mastered my masculinity. Maybe that’s the key, though.


We have something to prove, but not in the traditional sense. Not in the ways that you might be thinking.

Instead of trying to prove to the world how strong, financially-successful, or creative we are, we [as men] need to prove that we aren’t the neanderthals we’re being made out to be. We need to demonstrate grace, compassion, and fortitude.

We need to be pragmatic in our endeavor to unmask our true masculinity. We need to let go of that machismo persona that we’ve learned from stereotypical manly TV characters such as “The Fonz” from Happy Days or “Archie Bunker” from All in the Family.

So far, I’ve discovered this much. A man begins to unlock his full potential when he:

  • Stops seeking approval or validation from others.
  • Accepts accountability for his mistakes and errors.
  • Lives a life of grace; maintaining a strong sense of emotional awareness.
  • Spends a great deal of time learning empathy, (a quality that most men suck at).

There’s a lot more to being a real man than this, but it’s a good place to start. If you’re thinking to yourself; “I’m good,” well then, you’re either delusional, or you’re a rare exception to the rule.

I believe that if we can make a conscious effort to discipline ourselves in these areas every day, we’ll enjoy a much more fulfilled and peaceful life—one that inspires change, builds community, and promotes love.

Men, we need to take a step back. Stop trying to change the world for a moment, and focus on the things that are holding us back right now; the seemingly “small” things that are causing us BIG problems. They ARE NOT going to go away on their own initiative!

You got this. WE got this.


// photo credit: Patrick Tomasso

Want more? Awesome! Get it delivered!

Sign up for my newsletter to receive weekly articles that will help you on your path to becoming the best man you can be! You can also follow me on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.

Powered by ConvertKit